“It struck him that the truly characteristic thing about modern life was not its cruelty and insecurity, but simply its bareness, its dinginess, its listlessness. Life, if you looked about you, bore no resemblance not only to the lies that streamed out of the telescreen, but even to the ideals that the Party was trying to achieve. The ideal set up by the Party was something huge, terrible, and glittering—a world of steel and concrete, of monstrous machines and terrifying weapons—a nation of warriors and fanatics marching forward in perfect unity, all thinking the same thoughts and shouting the same slogans…” 1984.  still dont know what to make of it.

11.07

Aspirations to be free from all materialistic restraints. I want to sell my money  to the highest bidder. I want to be able to travel not in poverty but in life. There’s nothing nobody needs which isn’t already free, but even that stretches only to gain from egos. Peace and love can no longer exist in Brittan. The streets are swarmed with the snakes. I have the guilty conscious that of being human. We have destroyed each other and all life with it. There never was love between ourselves, just our flawed ambitions.    

<.03

Terrible days ,
endless nights,
no missed alerts
"I Don't know why I'm even alive"
half- hearted promises.
Cheap cold glances.
Lies.
Lies.
Lies.
Feeling nothing at all ,
Its an empty life.
Its an empty life indeed,
but I can't remember it any other way

pt26.6

That’s the problem now. There is no purpose to the one way journey. We make up story’s to ourselves, to justify our actions. We are all right, we are all wrong.  What we did meant nothing. Only the stars looked like they would stay the same.  Evolution.  Just another way of dressing up our degradation. Lonely hearts expected to feel complete. Will you meet the eight people who will influence your life? Realistically why should eight people dictate your own existence for who you are. Could we exist just by ourselves? No human influence or control. No trace of another life. Could we cope with the purest of starts?    

Drive

I drove to work today along the same road; I know the familiar curves in the road. I see the same people I see each day, the same cars, the same nurses walking to the hospital, the same children going to school, each with an all too familiar sad look. Today a woman was reaching out to touch the leaves of the nearby hedge smiling. Maybe she was happy touching beauty,

Cut a table in half
Put it back together
Make a whole
Jump through it to freedom
If only
Instead I will be a product of genocide
I could be worse if I had to live with the guilt

1.c

Its not cheep to slap an elephant
Even if there no way through
Just open the door
and climb through the window.